As Posted by cuthulu

TwasX-Day.jok

Subject: 'Twas the night before X-day
From: cuthulu@rlabs.com
Date: 1996/12/25

Newsgroups: alt.slack

'Twas the night before X-day

It was the night before X-Day, and all through the clench,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a finch;

The pipes were hung from our lips with care, In hopes that "Bob" Dobbs soon
would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of saucers
danced in their heads; And Mama in her leather and I in my lace, Had just
settled down for a summer's embrace.

When out in the driveway a sickening sound, I sprang from my bed to see hell
rain down. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters, and
threw up the sash.

The moon on the dew of the newly-mown grass, Gave the luster of midday to
objects in my ass, When what 'fore my wond'ring eyes should sashay, But a
miniature saucer, and eight tiny greys.

With a smoking, smiling driver, so manly on the job, I knew in a moment it must be "Bob" Dobbs. More rapid than eagles his saucers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: "Now, Meatloaf! Now, Dyna!, Now Lynch and Tarla! On, Lou! On, Jack!, On, Carey and Fucknutz! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now blast away! blast away! Blast away all!!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, so the pinks they were wasted,
blown to the sky. Up to the housetop the saucers they flew, With a bomb bayfull of death, and habzifropulopuolos, too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard in the street, The dancing of sex slaves and
alien succubi in heat. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, I saw a
vast cloud mushroom downtown.

"Bob" was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and his clothes were
all tarnished with ashes and soot. A skein of pink scalps he had flung on his
back, and he looked like a Ghengis Khan at the front of his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His pipe, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His grinning mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the pipe in his mouth sang as it glowed;

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing
to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And wasted all the neighbors, then turned with a jerk, And laying a finger aside of his nose, And
giving a nod, into his saucer he rose;

He sprang to the controls, to his squad gave a whistle, And away they all flew
like a sidewinder missile. But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, "
Happy X-Day to All! And to all a good fight!"

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